A users guide to becoming a troll
Posted by: Timothy Weaver on 08/27/2014 06:18 AM
[
Comments
]
A users guide to becoming a troll
1) Announce Your First-ness: The best way to claim your territory is simply to post "FIRST!"
2) Hit and Run: Stop on some site, make a comment, and leave.
3) Anonymity Is Your Hammer: Standing behind what you say with your own name, as if you believe in your convictions, is for the stupid and the brave.
4) Reject Anonymity for Everyone Else: you shouldn't put up with anyone else not using their real name.
5) Always Pimp Yourself: Leave links to your site (or better yet sites).
6) Start a New Topic: You don't have to stay on topic; other readers will thoroughly enjoy your hijacking of the conversation.
7) Keep It Negative: making an ad hominem attack against the topic of the story, no matter how irrelevant, can make the casual reader balk.
8) Make Sweeping Generalizations: settle for doling out general, sweeping "facts."
9) Throw in Some Graphics: Grab some art off Google, slap on a caption that you find hilarious (and thus everyone else will, too), and embed it in your comment.
10) Brevity Is the Soul of Not Really Getting Your Point Across, So Write a Long Diatribe: If you can take a circuitous route to the gist of the matter, all the better to draw in the noobs, because, really, what are they going to do.
11) USE ALL CAPS:
12) Never Respond: This is doubly true if you're the author.
13) Don't Be Ignored: If you don't see your pithy prose within seconds of hitting the enter button, inundate the site with questions.
14) Flame On!: Wikipedia defines it as "hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users."
15) Conspiracies Aren't Just for Nuts: The comments section is an excellent place to warn others that Opus Dei is keeping Area 51 hidden, even if it's at the bottom of a YouTube video about crocheting baby boots.
16) Speling Dosnt Count: Nuff said.
17) Curses: Swear. A lot.
1) Announce Your First-ness: The best way to claim your territory is simply to post "FIRST!"
2) Hit and Run: Stop on some site, make a comment, and leave.
3) Anonymity Is Your Hammer: Standing behind what you say with your own name, as if you believe in your convictions, is for the stupid and the brave.
4) Reject Anonymity for Everyone Else: you shouldn't put up with anyone else not using their real name.
5) Always Pimp Yourself: Leave links to your site (or better yet sites).
6) Start a New Topic: You don't have to stay on topic; other readers will thoroughly enjoy your hijacking of the conversation.
7) Keep It Negative: making an ad hominem attack against the topic of the story, no matter how irrelevant, can make the casual reader balk.
8) Make Sweeping Generalizations: settle for doling out general, sweeping "facts."
9) Throw in Some Graphics: Grab some art off Google, slap on a caption that you find hilarious (and thus everyone else will, too), and embed it in your comment.
10) Brevity Is the Soul of Not Really Getting Your Point Across, So Write a Long Diatribe: If you can take a circuitous route to the gist of the matter, all the better to draw in the noobs, because, really, what are they going to do.
11) USE ALL CAPS:
12) Never Respond: This is doubly true if you're the author.
13) Don't Be Ignored: If you don't see your pithy prose within seconds of hitting the enter button, inundate the site with questions.
14) Flame On!: Wikipedia defines it as "hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users."
15) Conspiracies Aren't Just for Nuts: The comments section is an excellent place to warn others that Opus Dei is keeping Area 51 hidden, even if it's at the bottom of a YouTube video about crocheting baby boots.
16) Speling Dosnt Count: Nuff said.
17) Curses: Swear. A lot.
Comments
